Thanks for reminding me by e-mail that you want to baby-sit our children. In spite of the21that you are only 12 years old, my wife and I would be22to consider your application if you canmeet a few modest23:
1. Submit three letters from24who will certify that you have never failed to follow directions perfectly in class and never failed to hand in a homework assignment25.
2. Submit a note from two26who will certify that you are in perfect health, have never been sick, and never will be sick.
3. Submit a document from your physical education teacher or team27that proves that you can do each of the following: Run two miles in28than nine minutes, climb agreased rope to a29of twenty feet in thirty seconds while balancing a glass of water on your nose, and walk in bare feet over hot coals and broken glass without complaint or30.
4. Submit notarized letters from at least two mental health professionals31that you have never32a jealous, envious, or hostile thought towards any living being Or inanimate object.
5. Play and33five expert chess players while blindfolded after going without sleep for 48 hotlrs.
6. Wait34for two years while we have private investigators35that all your documents are authentic.